A Rant About Depression…….

Nothing saddens me more than hearing someone took their own life…….  How tragic…….  I am heavy in heart today, as I heard of a friend, who lost his son this past weekend to suicide.  I don’t really know the guy.  I’m more of a “fan” of his than a friend.  He’s a great Minneapolis songwriter and musician, having penned a song that my wife and I love to dance to, and quote lyrics from in our little love letters.  But I digress – that’s not what this is about.

He no doubt hurting beyond anything I could ever comprehend.  His world is likely upside down, and I’ll bet to him there is no end in sight to this suffering.  We’ve all likely lost someone in our lives.  Many of us have probably been involved in someone’s life who is suffering, or has suffered from depression, and maybe even attempted suicide.  But not many of us have had to endure something like this.  We who haven’t simply can’t know…….

And – we can’t give words to comfort……  We just don’t know……

Why does something like this break my heart, even more than someone who died naturally?  Or – even more than someone who had their life taken suddenly?  There are parts of my story that I simply can’t tell – it’s not my part of the story.  Some of you know, and you would understand.  But some of you don’t, and I must be respectful.  But suffice it to say, this saddens me beyond explanation.

As does the thought that so many LIVE with the crippling effects of severe depression on a daily basis……  This is NOT what God had intended for us.  Those words likely fall on deaf ears at best, and flat out offend at worst, if you are one suffering today.  That is never my intent, to offend or offer “empty promises”.  It’s more of a heartfelt cry.  I cry this out to God, sometimes it seems like too often.  I see so many friends, loved ones, family members suffering, bound, captive, to mind-numbing, crippling, depression……

And – it angers me.  I’m not mad at them.  We all can fall victim to our own thoughts, whether they be pride, lust, depression, or other.  And Satan wants nothing more than to kill, steal, destroy.  And he does a damn good job of it…..  I’m restraining myself from spewing hateful, foul language right now, as I type.   I wonder sometimes if he loves how much he pisses me off.  He’s getting my goat, if you will.  Riling me up.  And in this case – I would love nothing more than to see him cast into the lake of fire.  I want to see him burn, to see him suffer, endlessly, for all this pile of shit has caused to so me and to so many that I love.

And I realize a few things…….

1.  I take my eyes of Jesus, when I do that.  I do hate the enemy, and all that he represents, with all my heart.  I do long for the day when so many that I love, children of God, are at last free from his slimy grip.  I hate what he’s done in my life, what he’s doing in my loved ones’ lives, and what he’s doing to this beautiful creation.  But I must focus on what Jesus has done, which wipes all that out.

I say “done”, not “doing”, for a reason.  Yes, he is doing.  But what he’s DONE is just that – DONE.  Remembering that can be difficult at times – but true freedom comes from the truth of Jesus Christ.  I’m thankful he never lets me forget that, even when I allow myself to be distracted…..

2.  I know that so many loved ones have been also victim to me and my “mr. fix it” tendencies.  I apologize for that.  Sometimes, maybe you just needed someone to hear you.  To be with you.  I want to do that – and honestly, in my own messed up way, that is what I was trying to do.  But I get that hearing how you “need to do this” doesn’t sound like help to you.  It sounds like I think I’m better than you…..

I don’t….  And I’m truly sorry for that…..

And I don’t say this lightly.  Please – anything you need that I can do for you, let me know.  Yes, I’m praying for you.  God does amazing work in putting on our hearts the needs of those in our lives, does he not?  You’ve been on my heart.  He won’t let me forget.  He doesn’t need me, or my prayers – but he won’t let me forget.

And he often won’t let me stop with just prayers.  So – let me know what it is I can do – even just shut up and be with you….  And cry with you…..

3.  You likely have no idea how valued you are.  To me.  To others.  To God.  He wants so badly for you to see that.  it’s so beautiful when we do.  Identity in Christ far surpasses identity in career, cash, physical appearance, status, what-have-you.  I wish you could see that.

But I know that my indifference has not shown you that in any “real, tangible” way.  In a way you could understand.  My lack of involvement is as good as saying you don’t matter, at least not to me.  That couldn’t be further from the truth!  But it doesn’t matter as your perception is your reality.  For that I’m deeply sorry……..

Who is it in your life that you can think of, that is hurting.  I’m sure we can all think of someone.  Do you pray for them?  Do you call them?  Do you invite them over?  Do you involve them in your lives?  Are you willing to get your “hands dirty”, and get involved in peoples lives?  To love them?  You can’t love them if you don’t get to know them.  You can’t get to know them if you don’t step out of your little world, and step into theirs……

I’m sad for my friend.  I can’t tell him anything that someone else hasn’t said, and there is nothing anyone can say that will bring his son back.  I pray he finds comfort, even in the middle of his sorrow.  Jesus, we need you….  We need you now……

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