I Still Remember…

I still remember when she was born…  She looked up at me with that crusty look.  That look I can give, I’m told.  That look she can still give, when in a mood.  it was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen…

I still remember her crying, when we left her at dance class – the first time she did ANYTHING on her own…  We didn’t actually leave – we watched as she struggled to be “independent” – and succeeded!  Something she still succeeds at.

I still remember dropping her off the first day of school.  It was a before-school daycare, for the catholic school she was attending.

I still remember breaking her heart, as we told the kids we were separating…

I still remember her bossing her brother around, in the motherly way she had (still has).  It was cute and a little disturbing all in one.

I don’t really recall the day I moved out, if I even looked at her or her brother.  How did that affect them?  I didn’t pay much attention…

I vaguely recall the first night she and her brother stayed at my apartment.  How odd for them, I bet…  Funny – she mentioned one thing she looks forward too, being in Seattle, is having ONE home to live in.  We don’t think of that, when we split a family up, do we…

I still remember going to one of her school functions, where parents could come along.  She told me, after the program, “You can go now, Dad”.  I was so hurt…  Years later, I still wonder if she thought I might have wanted to leave?

I still remember her getting baptized.  I think the only reason she did, was because I had.  I wasn’t someone to seek after so much, yet, as a dad.  Or maybe I was becoming that finally?  But it’s so sweet that your kids WILL seek after you.

I still remember road trips – Cleveland.  Indy.  We travel well together.

I still remember driving practice.  Stressful, yet exciting!

I still remember seeing her in slow motion (like the movies), put the car in drive INSTEAD of reverse, driving right into the freezer.  Funny now, we can laugh (the freezer still works, and has the wonderful reminder of this day).  But at the time, I was devastated for her.  It certainly scared her, and made her feel for a moment like she might not get this…

I still remember telling her that if she didn’t buckle down and practice driving, work on getting a job, she wasn’t even going to test for her license.  She did both – and did them very well.

I still remember taking her to get her license.  It was a LOOONG wait.  But it did not seem so long – it was so wonderful to sit with her as we waited, chatting away…

I still remember her getting a job.  She was gone a lot more…

I still remember PSEO.  She’s growing up…

I still remember graduation day…  Dad’s cry, so I guess it’s ok if I did too?

I still remember more than a year ago, her heart being set up Serve Seattle.  God had this in store for her.  I’m excited to see where he leads her through this next year!

I will remember tomorrow, dropping my little girl off.  My heart aches tonight, as I contemplate the fact that I won’t see her for weeks…

I’m reminded of all the things I could have, should have said, or done…  Please, Lord, let those not be the critical things she’s lacking…

I’m reminded of the gift she is, to me, to so many.

I’m reminded that I get to see her again at Christmas.  🙂

And we have electronic means to see each other.  🙂

I just hope, tomorrow, she doesn’t say, “You can go now Dad…”  🙂


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