What Do You Meme? (Or “Why I Quit Facebook”) (Or “Don’t Buy What They’re Selling”)

Meme

I find it odd, funny, sad, maybe sometimes irritating, how many memes we can find, post, like, steal, to try and prove a point and shut down the opposition with 20 words or less.  Aha!  I got you now, disagree-er of mine!  For now, anyway, until the next clever saying becomes popular.

We all know what the latest social media “thing” has been.  I won’t name it, cause you know. Also, if you are reading this post some time later (maybe even a week later), that “thing” will have changed – and you’ll still know what it is, because we all know.

I was off Facebook for a while, and it was kinda nice to be one of the persons “under a rock”.  Life was good…

But I re-opened my Facebook, to promote my “Wedding Coat” campaign.  I gotta say – while it’s helped, I find myself scrolling through the sludge, letting my head and my heart get caught up in garbage!  Gotta spend that time better, I think.

I do however want to address a cleverly worded, but sad, meme or saying that I saw recently.  I hope to lovingly counter this way of thinking, as, well – it’s wrong.  Here we go.

“Divorce isn’t such a tragedy.  A tragedy is staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching children the wrong things about love.” (and this one ended with “Nobody ever died of divorce”)

This is a common way of thinking today.  That’s so sad…  Now, if this meme said “A tragedy is staying in an abusive or adulterous marriage…”, that would make more sense.  But unhappy?  We should just check out if we’re unhappy?  THAT is teaching our children the wrong things about love.

Love is not a feeling, though we do feel love.  And we as a society have given to that.  “All you need is love”.  But if love is just what you feel – I’m really saying, “All you need is to please yourself”, or better yet, “All you need is to please ME”.  Because that “love” is really what makes you happy.  LOVE – the action – isn’t fun, very often.  It’s work.  It’s sacrifice.  It’s certainly joyful, happy, at times.  But in a relationship you get out what you put in.  And we’re not perfect.  So sometimes we’re going to put in garbage.  The bible says, “Love covers a multitude of sins”.  This means we are to forgive others, when they wrong us.  It does NOT mean we are a doormat (remember, I’m not talking about allowing abuse).  But we do need to forgive, and continue to cultivate the soil of our marriage.  Or, we can only expect weeds.

My wife is a gardener.  We have beautiful gardens, cause she puts the work into them.  If she did not, they would be weed-infested, crap-beds.  The same holds true for marriage.  If you don’t put the work into it, you will have a weed-infested crap-bed for a marriage.

So, my loving counter to the above statement is this:

“Divorce IS a tragedy.  An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.  Show your children the true meaning of love, by loving your spouse (Nobody ever wins in divorce)”

I get that this may not work for someone who’s already gotten divorced.  My response to that is, please, PLEASE, no matter what your situation was, acknowledge that it’s tragic that it ended in divorce.  Heck, you GOT married at some point, because you probably “felt” love for them.  And when it ended, even if you “felt” freedom in the act of divorce – we all know it’s not what you had originally planned.  Perpetuating that divorce is a GOOD thing, feeds that way of thinking to our young world – our children.  And we are teaching them truly the wrong things about love…

So if you have been divorced, own it.  You don’t have to be shamed, or wear a scarlet letter D.  But own that things did not go as planned, and it’s tragic.  It’s ok, you’re not perfect.  Neither am I.  Nobody but Jesus is.  Just don’t try and justify what happened, and sell it as righteous.  I love you, and you are hurting yourself and others by buying into and selling that lie…

To those who are young, getting married (Or newly married) – don’t buy this faulty product the world is selling.  SEEK your spouse.  Love them, in action. Respect them, even when in the moment you don’t.  TALK TO OTHERS ABUT YOUR MARRIAGE – and not the ones who will side with only YOU, when things hit the fan.  Have people in your life who love you both, deeply, who can speak to you truthfully.  Be hunble enough to submit your marriage to others, for the sake of your marriage.  After God, your spouse is THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON in your life.  Don’t ever forget that…

To those that are older, in “the ball and chain” life…  It’s not too late to turn it around.  Guys, remember the wife of your youth.  You loved her, and you love her still. She’s not your roommate, not your enemy.  GO AFTER HER.  If  you don’t, someone else will.  She needs your love, don’t rob her of that.  Remember, she’s not your enemy…

And ladies – your husband needs to know you trust him.  That you respect him.  Show it to him, even when he doesn’t deserve it.  Remember, he’s not your enemy…

I am going to put together a list of options, for people.  For those married, marriage retreat options, marriage counseling options, other resources that can prove helpful.  I can already give you a link to a great counseling organization, Northland Counseling Services.  They are just one option, among many.  They would be a great option, whether your marriage is healthy or struggling.

To those who have suffered through divorce, or are going through it – I will do the same.  Here is one great option right now.

Look for most posts like this.  And remember – love, the love the world has shown you and is trying to, is NOT all you need…

I love you.

T.

 

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