I like to watch movies, and find the Gospel in it. In the movie Good Will Hunting, there is a scene, where Sean Maquire (Robin Williams) is going over Will’s file with him. His past. It leads into Sean telling Will, over and over, “It’s not your fault….”. To which Will responds with:
Then, sort of laughing uncomfortably, “I know”
Then, a bit more stern, but that awkward Matt Damon grin, “Yeah, I KNOW”
Then, “Don’t fuck with me….” (Forgive me, I thought about putting stars in the place of letters. But I did not, because this best reflects our heart in this moment of the Gospel narrative – Read Romans 5:8)
Then, sobbing, breaking down…
Imagine the role of Sean being Christ, and Will being you, or me. And Jesus goes over our “file”, our past, with us. He can even say, yes, he’s been through what we have. He was tempted in every way, though He did not sin. He was scorned, mocked, beaten, hated, spit upon, killed. In every way, He felt what we did, and I’d argue so much more. Satan did to Him everything every single one of us has had done to us, or – done to another…
But instead of saying, “It’s not your fault”, He says, “I have loved you with an everlasting love. I have drawn you with unfailing kindness”.
And we say, “I know”.
And He says, “No, you don’t understand. I LOVE YOU. I have ALWAYS LOVED YOU. And my kindness is what is drawing you here, even though you want to run.”
And we say, “Yeah – I know”, with that same Matt Damon awkward grin. We look around the room, because we don’t want to look Him in the eyes. It’s weird, uncomfortable. We can see all our sin, all our shame, all our failures, all our pain, as it flashes before us, so rapidly, yet seemingly in slow motion…
But we aren’t quite there yet, because we don’t want to look Him in the eyes. We fear what we will see, but we cannot possibly yet understand that if we would only look Him in the eyes, we’d see HIS GLORY, and no longer see our junk – good OR bad. “Yeah – I know, now leave it be, will you!”
“No – look at me, Ted. I LOVE YOU. I came for you. I died for you. I have loved you with an everlasting love…”
“Don’t fuck with me Jesus….”
And we begin to weep… We can’t control it, though we want to “be strong”. We don’t want to show Him any sense of feeling…
“I Love you…”
And we begin to crumble….
And we break down. The weight has been so unbearable for so long. Yet we’re told by the world, by religion, by self-help books, by media, we need to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, clean up our act, or at least LOOK as if we have. It’s on us, it always has been. And we’ve done such a good job thus far in hiding all our crap, our fear, our pain, from the word. “And now You, Jesus, want to expose that? How DARE YOU!”
“I have loved you with an everlasting love. I have drawn you with unfailing kindness…”
And it’s over. We can’t take it anymore. We give up. And we finally look Jesus in His eyes. We FINALLY see that He MEANS IT. The God of the universe, truly loves – me? How can it be? Yet He does. Now. As I am…
This moment, is when we reflect Christ best. This moment, when we accept Him as Lord. As Savior. As lover of our soul. This moment, when we finally believe that His redemptive plan for us was ALWAYS His plan. This moment, when we don’t even remember our own junk – good OR bad. When all we see is – Him…
“I have loved you with an everlasting love. I have drawn you with unfailing kindness”