And the Enemy Becomes My Friend, Just Because He Wants My End…

Go Easy On Me

I've Said Too Much FINAL

I recorded a song of mine last year with some great musicians in Nashville.  Joe Gilder, Jason Roller, Matt McGee, Steve Peffer and Tim Horsley.  Unbelievably talented, and they took my song in a direction I never imagined!

So I did it again, with this song.  Another one knocked out of the park!  Hands down, now the two best sounding songs in my catalog, thanks to them.

So on to the song itself.  This song was probably the hardest song for me to write.  Probably because I wanted to end it on a positive note.  The last verse, I wanted to talk about “hope in Christ”, even among all the self-beating-uppery, self-doubt, self-loathing.  Joe Gilder suggested that trying to make it “positive” at the end, broke the flow of the song.  It’s dark, it’s a place of pain and struggle.   Then suddenly happy?  Doesn’t seem to jive.

Yet I had a hard time going darker.  I don’t know why.

Afraid to be honest, maybe?

See, we ALL struggle with feelings of “I’m not worth it”.   But we don’t want to talk about it.  Certainly I don’t want to write about it.

But I can’t be the only one who has ever struggled with feeling worthless.  I messed up.  AGAIN.  So I beat myself up.  AGAIN.  Which leads me to mess up.  AGAIN.  why can’t I ever get it right????  what is wrong with me???

It’s a tricky thing, the devil does, to get us to believe – REALLY believe – we are worthless…

We’re not worthless.

But the song is about struggle.  It’s an uncomfortable song, in which I hope someone might find comfort.  “I’m not the only one…”

You’re not the only one.  And you’re not worthless.  You were worth it to Him…

I did not end the record on this note however.  More on that in my next post…

Go Easy On Me
Sometimes there’s a weight
Like a boot upon my throat
I feel it pressing in again
This is getting old…

Sometimes it’s easier to listen to the lies
That tell me I’m not worth the trouble
And what a pain am I
Sometimes I forget
You’re not done with me

Go easy on me…

My life is a mist
Yet I press against the wind
I’m not afraid to die
But I’ve never lived…
Oh, I wanna live…

Sometimes I find myself in the company of thieves
And I forget just who I am and all You’ve done for me
And the enemy becomes my friend just because he wants my end
And it feels so much easier just to lay down and beg…

Go easy on me…

My heart has failed…
Will my body follow?

Go easy on me…

Go Easy On Me

Advertisements

I Was Welcomed With Open Arms…

Hell Is Chrome

I've Said Too Much FINAL

I have no idea what Jeff was writing about in this song.  Maybe it’s an allegory for something in his life.  Maybe it’s saying the “devil” is actually the church?  Or the “American dream”?  Or something that makes us feel part of something, or that we belong?  All of these could make sense to me.

I should Google the meaning of this song.  One sec….

OK – I found it.  From a lyric page, where people commented on the meaning.  This makes complete sense!  Read below…

“I think the meaning is pretty clear here, Jeff Tweedy loves Firefox and thinks it is a much better browser than Chrome even though Chrome is really stable and secure and fast. He just likes Firefox better.”

In all sincerity though, someone commented on finding meaning, or purpose, where we least expect it.  Which does really make sense.

For me, I think of how satan (Yes, I do believe the devil is real) would do all he can to try and befriend me.  Anything from knowing my likes, desires, dreams, to making me feel “welcome”.

This would be temporary, of course.  But lasting enough to suck me in.  Until it’s too late…

Or until something else comes along that is equally or more welcoming.  Which then might be the thing that kills me.

And it’s all alluring.  Chrome.  Shiny.  New.  Lovely.  Mesmerizing.

Hell.

So I sort of “squatted” on Jeff’s song.  Sorry Jeff.  I hope I don’t take it completely out of context – or better, that it doesn’t offend you to the core.  But in context of the theme of MY record – hell is that very thing that would suck you in, and then suck the very life out of you.  And then it’s too late..

Thankfully, while we are here, it’s never too late.

I do like how this song turned out.  I LOVE the Wilco original.  Give it a listen here!

But I knew I could not recreate their sound – nor do I really want to try.  I mean – why cover a song if you’re just gonna sound exactly like them – or worse, a pale comparison?  Why not just listen to theirs, and save a lot of time and energy?

So I went the direction I did.  Less instrumentation (cause I can’t play like Wilco does…).  Harmonies.  Slower.  More “haunting”?  I don’t know.  I don’t know if it’s good – but I kinda like how it turned out.

I had my friend Toby Wilson play pedal steel.  He’s a gem.  You should use him, if you write and record songs and need pedal steel.  Check him out here!

So – to summarize – I too prefer Chrome over Firefox, or Edge, or IE (though I like a good Netscape Navigator every now and then).  I don’t like hell.  I don’t think anyone does.  But I do think we often choose hell, while looking for heaven.

And I hope you like my rendition of someone else’s song.

Hell Is Chrome

 

Maybe I Need A New Start?

One Step Closer

I've Said Too Much FINAL

There are days when I’m just ON FIRE, and want to share the love of Christ with anyone and everyone.

There are days when I’m dull as a butter knife from a kid’s toy tea set, and I just want to hole up and binge watch – anything that would take my mind of anything.

This song encompasses that battle.  The battle between our flesh and our God-given desire to reach and love the least of these.  The struggle between wanting you to know you matter, and not wanting to sacrifice that which really doesn’t matter…

Maybe you can relate?

I put the song to an upbeat, pop-rock rhythm.  I was listening to a lot of Petty when I came up with the riff.  So I probably stole it.  I definitely did not replicate his sound – I tried, for years.  I can’t.  But he’s a definite songwriting influence on me.  Has been for years.

We’re doing this one live, with full band.  It’s super fun to play!

So – if you CAN’T relate, maybe you can dance?

I dunno.  Either way, please enjoy!

Love,

T.

One Step Closer
Tell me why it can’t be
Why can’t I love the least of these
From my gated community
Why is it so much work to be free?

I’m changin’
But I so long to be the same
I’m dyin’
But dyin’ ain’t easy

One step closer
To the edge, or to Your heart?
Which direction is closer?
Maybe I need a new start?

It’s not that I don’t see
It’s just these things I wish I could unsee
And to fix my eyes on Thee…
Why’s it so hard to know I’m free?

I’m changin’
But I so long to be the same
I’m dyin’
But dyin’ ain’t easy

One step closer
To the edge, or to Your heart?
Which direction is closer?
Maybe I need a new start?

One Step Closer